Attachment: A Connection for Life

Attachment is the deep emotional bond between a baby and the person who provides most of his care. Just as most parents feel a strong connection with their newborn after birth, babies also become attached to their parents. Attachment develops as you respond to your baby's needs in warm, sensitive and consistent ways — especially when your baby is sick, upset or distressed — and builds through the daily routines of caring for and interacting with her.

Signs of a secure attachment forming

• By 4 weeks, your baby will respond to your smile, perhaps with a facial expression or movement.
• By 3 months, she'll smile right back at you.
• By 4 to 6 months, she'll turn to you and expect you to respond when she's upset.
• By 7 or 8 months, she'll have a special response just for you as her visual memory develops (she may also be upset by strangers), and may start responding to your stress, anger or sadness.

If your baby doesn't respond to you, show interest in people, or make eye contact, make an appointment with her doctor.

Attachment and child care

Babies can develop secure attachment with more than one important adult in their lives, including a child care provider — this doesn't affect the special relationship babies have with their parents.

Why attachment matters

Secure or healthy attachment is the foundation that lets your child explore the world and have a safe place to come back to. It's the first way babies learn to organise their feelings and actions, by looking to the person who provides care and comfort, and it's essential to long-term emotional health. Healthy attachment helps your child handle situations as she grows — separating from you to start child care or school, cooperating with other children, developing self-control — and helps her learn to trust others, an important foundation for healthy relationships later in life.

While a baby's first attachment is usually with her mother, the bonds babies form with their fathers are just as important, and babies form attachment relationships with other caregivers too — though the bonds with parents remain the most important. A baby's first attachment usually happens quite naturally: your baby cries, and you try to give him what he needs — a feed, a cuddle, a nappy change, or just holding him. When you respond, your baby learns he can trust and depend on you for comfort and to feel safe, and as you get better at reading his cues, he feels less stress.

Responding quickly to a baby's cries is the best way to show her she's safe and loved — it should not be confused with "spoiling." Babies cannot be spoiled; when they're sick, upset or distressed, they need to know you're there for them. Attachment involves two people interacting, sharing and connecting — as you respond to your baby's needs, she'll respond to you in turn, and you'll notice it becomes easier to soothe her, that she wants to be near you, and that she reacts to you even from a distance. Holding, rocking or talking softly all promote attachment.

If you're struggling

If you think you may be depressed, or feel you can't take care of your baby, it's important to tell someone. If you're the partner of a mother who seems depressed or is having trouble caring for her baby, it's also important to reach out. Talk to your doctor, nurse or midwife, or contact your local public health office for a listing of services in your area.